The Dark Side of Love

The Dark side of  love

When starting off a relationship, it is usually very hard to believe a time like this will come and I prefer to call it the dark side of love.
A lot of relationships will transit through the cycle. It usually begins with the phase of falling in love with your partner. This represents the peak of every dating relationship; your partner will anticipate your calls, touch, and warmth and fall for all your idiosyncrasies.
At this stage falling in love isn't a hard thing; it comes completely natural and spontaneous. You don’t have to do anything to get it. That's why we call it "falling" in love and not ‘rising’ in love.
You may have heard people in love say "He/ she came and swept me off my feet." This could imply that the person was just standing there like a rock; doing nothing, and suddenly something supernatural happened and knocked them down, simply put love just happened.
At first falling in love is considered a passive and spontaneous experience but after a few months or years of staying together, the razzmatazz of love fades. This is usually the second phase of relationships. Every relationship goes through this natural cycle. This cycle represents the dark side of falling in love.
This is the point where most people will fail in relationships. Staying in love at this stage requires more effort and usually, this effort may yield little or no results. Gradually the phone calls become bothersome, that’s if they come at all, touch becomes a big turn-off when it happens, and your spouse's normal idiosyncrasies become offensive; instead of being that cute escapade that drives you nut. Different relationships have different symptoms for this stage and there is a dramatic difference between the initial stage when you first fell in love and the current, which is a much duller and anger-laden stage.
So many persons will start pondering and asking rhetoric questions like "Am I with the right person?" In my own case, my once very lovely girlfriend asked me “How did I even say yes to your proposal? It was clear she was going through this very stage of labored love.
Those who do not understand this stage completely may want some time off to have a  fresh start with someone else in an attempt to avoid the mistake of bonding or falling in love with the wrong person. This usually leads to the breakdown of many once fruitful relationships.
Whether you’ve got to this stage or are still in the first phase of bonding or even contemplating not continuing your relationship or even a divorce, there is always what to do to succeed in relationships and it is not finding the perfect person but learning how to love the person you found. The English language calls it contentment.
Blaming your partner for your unhappiness and looking outside for fulfillment will only give birth to extramarital fulfillment. This extramarital fulfillment comes in different sizes and shapes.
Infidelity is the most common happening. But sometimes people take to social media and spend all day on their phones, work by working round the clock, a hobby by making it the new obsession, friendship, excessive TV, or substance abuse can even take the place of this person you once loved. There is this saying that says social media has a way of bringing people far closer and taking people close farther.
Finding a solution to this problem basically lies within you and not outside. Even if you change your present partner, there will come a time you will still come to this steep slope and what you’re experiencing now will still find expression.
I don’t want to throw away the fact that you may fall in love with someone new and get some relief but this is usually temporal. After getting a kiss from someone new and replacing your old lover because the vibes are gone, the bitter truth is that chances are you will still fall into this cycle again and the ditch dark side of falling in love will get hold of you. I will give you some reasons why I said so.
Just take some deep breaths and listen very carefully; below I have provided keys to succeeding in love and how to cope with the dark side of falling in love.

Keys to Succeeding in Love:

Even the holy bible talks about love as being long-suffering. So the key to a successful love relationship is not finding the right person but learning how to love the person you have (your man or your woman). Think about the relationship that produced our parents, they suffered long ago to bring us to this world. If you have the privilege of having grandma or grand Pa still alive just ask them if there came a time when they never wanted to continue with the relationship. I can confidently put a bet on their answer which will most likely be a yes but as God may have it most of them are still together to date.
Being able to sustain love requires active effort. You have to put in the effort and work on a daily basis. This takes time, effort, and energy. And the most important of all is wisdom, which is usually what makes marriage work even when other things fail. There is always what to do to make it work. Make no mistake about it and don’t just turn to prayers to make your man or woman loyal to you. Everyone on this earth has their yielding button and a little push will keep them leaning to you and wanting you like a cocaine drug addict wants more cocaine to quench his urge.
There is no mystery about love. Love doesn't just fall happen or fall from the sky like manner, even the so-called talks about love, at first sight, does not happen from thin air or for the sake of happening, some form of chemo-attractants fuels it and makes your yarn for the very person. That’s why musicians sometimes describe this feeling of love as chemistry.  There are specific things you can do more of (with or without your partner) to get more of their love. The same ways laws govern physics and physical chemistry also exist for relationships. If your relationship isn’t working, it is probably because you’re falling short of one law and the consequences are what is translated to your current problems in the relationship. If you know how to apply these laws meticulously, the results are predictable
The rigors of your relationship may be existing because of a simple philosophy you hold tenaciously, for example, many people see love as a feeling and this is wrong. Usually, you hear people say “I don’t feel anything for him/her again”. This is where they get it wrong; Love is not a feeling but a decision. Take, for example, you hated pork meat because in your biology lessons you were thought that they serve as hosts for certain worms or because in your religious setup you were thought that Jesus chased the evil spirits to enter the swine. This school of thought will give you reasons to decide on hating pork meat. But if on the converse you recently acquired knowledge on the nutritious value of pork, you’d then decide to love pork meat and you will have a thousand reasons why everyone should have a taste of it. This illustration is what is obtainable in love. If you decide to love someone you will dig out many reasons to do so.
Finally, before you take that decision to quit your relationship reflect on this, God decides who walks into your life, and under no circumstance should you be the reason people leave your life. Getting the best out of a relationship is possible when you give your best. You have a big role to play in deciding who stays and who walks away.
Learn to create a time bond with the person you love and it will be difficult to break. I believe when you spend more time with someone you love, it becomes harder to get over them… Getting over someone you love to me is the darkest side of falling in love. So fight against that break up with all the energy and life you’ve got inside of you.
In as much as I’d urge you to love unconditionally, I want to warn you, don’t love your special someone more than yourself. The good book says we should love our neighbor as ourselves not more than you. If you do it this way, you will avoid giving too much and getting too little which is another dark side of falling in love. Unrequited love has left many depressed and their self-esteem tampered with. This is avoidable if you don’t lose yourself while giving out your love to someone else.
Finally, no matter what stage you are in love, you can climax to any level of happily ever after you desire and avoid the pitfalls of what I refer to as the dark side of falling in love if you walk by the rules and invest as much as you can to make the relationship work. The heart is such a delicate organ do not let it break and don’t be the reason someone somewhere gives up on life. When someone decides to entrust you with their love you become their everything and their future hinges on you. If you disappoint them they may not be strong enough to bear it. So many people cross the same rivers many times because they don’t build bridges.

I wish you a successful relationship ahead.

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